Typo In 1999 Traffic Study Made Engineers Think That People Loved Traffic

By: Greg Bourbonsky
Crab Staff Writer

BALTIMORE – In what is being called the worst misinterpretation of data since NASA confused measurement units resulting in the loss of a Mars space probe, the Crab has learned that for the past 5 years, Baltimore City traffic engineers have been designing traffic patterns and construction schedules based on an incorrect conclusion of a traffic study conducted in 1999. This misinterpretation was caused by a typo in the conclusion section of the report that said “traffic jams are the leading cause of people loving”. The word “loving” was supposed to be “moving” as the study was on the impact traffic has on residents’ daily lives and city demographic shifts.

“Yeah, that was our fault. Although we did find it odd that people would love traffic, we put a lot of time and resources into that study and therefore, we trusted its conclusions.” said a spokesman from the Baltimore City Department of Transportation. “Hindsight being 20/20, we really should have picked up on this before we commenced with 5 years of multi-million dollar traffic projects.”

The typo was noticed when a member of the D.O.T’s executive office cleaning crew glanced at a piece of paper that was on the floor. That piece of paper happened to be from the traffic study and contain the last paragraph of the conclusion statement. Upon seeing the statement, she felt that it couldn’t be true so she gave it to a senior member in the Director’s office.

While there is no evidence of a cover-up, a source inside the D.O.T. confirmed that the Director’s Office is not exactly eager to discuss the issues that have come out of this study. This source also speculates that some of the city’s most recent and infamous traffic project disasters including the simultaneous reduction of Pratt, Lombard, and Fayette Streets to one lane for construction, may be the results of the conclusions of this study.

Repeated phone calls to the Director’s office have not been returned, but the Crab did get a written response from the D.O.T. Communications Office in writing that contained three words, “Oops, our bad.”