By: Perry Matlock
Crab Legal Writer
BALTIMORE COUNTY – A herd of local buffalo have filed suit against a county tennis club for discrimination when they were forced off the courts for what the herd’s lawyer is calling “no reason other that they were a herd of buffalo”. The herd was spotted on the courts performing what they call “typical bison activities” like jumping over the net and standing around.
“They were a danger to nobody. There were no humans on the courts or even waiting to use the courts so they were an inconvenience to nobody as well.” , explained the herd’s attorney.
While this is the first time the herd has ever been a part of a large scale public news story, they apparently have had run-ins with residents and authorities in the past. There are several reports of the herd stampeding either late at night or early in the morning, waking up residents and causing panic. They have also been cited for illegal grazing on public land like high school fields and public parks, where animal excrement is a continuous problem.
“The grazing thing boggles my mind because how is a buffalo supposed to pick up its own poop? Come on, that is just picking on the fact that they don’t have human hands.” , the herd’s attorney said.
Confident that the lawsuit will thrown out of court, the tennis club did show a sign of good- will by urging the county government to designate specific areas of public land for bison use only. This would be land where grazing and stampeding would be legal and where it would not disrupt neighborhoods where humans reside.
“You know what? Fine. But I think that the sad thing still remains that once, we bison roamed the west by the millions and dominated the landscape and now, we cannot even sneak in a quick singles match without people getting all excited and herding us into trailers.” , said a herd spokesman. “But I guess the most important thing is being able to graze and stampede without the hassle, so yeah, this could be a good thing.”
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