Editorial: I Wish I Was a Ray

By: Flippy The Dolphin
Aquarium Performer

Before I get going on this rant, I want to make it clear that I DO realize how high-profile my job is and how important I am to getting people in the doors at the aquarium in Baltimore. That being said, I hate my job and quite frankly, I wish I was a ray. Why? Well, for starters, have you seen the size of the tank the rays have compared to how big they are? It’s massive. Now, I know that we dolphins have a big tank but it’s because we have a stadium but there is a big difference between a stadium and a plain old big tank.

The rays just get to swim around in their tank all day and once in a while they will have to perform for some kid who just happens to be standing there watching them. Now, when the rays have to “perform”, the bar is set much lower than for us. A ray only has to do that thing where he claps his fin against the side of the tank. That alone will be enough for the people watching to be amazed. For us to amaze the crowd, we need to jump through hoops up in the air and use our radar to find things while blindfolded. And, God forbid, we should mess up once and hear the “Aaawwww” of disappointment from the crowd. The rays never hear that. And what is with that anyway? Nothing makes my blow-hole angrier than some fat kid sitting in the front who is pissed that I couldn’t pull off my trick. I wish I could talk so I could yell, “Hey! Fatty! I’d like to see you come in here and jump 30 feet to touch that orb above the pool. You probably couldn’t get a foot out of the water!”

I’m sorry for that. I got a little off track there, but, my point still remains that the rays don’t have to put up with that. All they have to do is swim around and clap their fins once in a while. To me, that is the life. Most dolphins, especially those in show business, always talk about how much they want to be famous and be the next Flipper, but, not me. I just want the simple life with no pressure and little expectations, just like the rays have.