Mount Vernon Residents Attempt To Outsmart Developers; Push For Minimum Height Restrictions

By: John McClown
Crab Staff Writer

BALTIMORE – As an ultimate “screw you” gesture, the residents of Mount Vernon have removed its maximum height restrictions on new buildings and replaced it with a minimum height restriction for these new buildings. This comes after weeks of debate about whether or not to allow several developers to build condominium towers that many residents feel are too tall and take away from the cultural character of the neighborhood.

The new proposal calls for new apartment buildings to be at least 1,000 feet tall.

“How do they like them apples?” said one Mt. Vernon resident. “What’s the matter? Can’t they build a tower that tall? Too bad, I guess they can’t build here”.

As the argument on the actual maximum height caused the biggest impasse in the debate, several residents realized that were looking at this the wrong way.

“It came to me like a punch in the face. Don’t require the buildings to be short enough, require them to be tall enough?”, said Marty Willhute, the resident who thought up of the plan. “It’s so simple, if a developer wants to build an apartment building here, it would have to be the tallest apartment building in the world. No developer around here can do that. Brilliant!”

While many residents are rejoicing about what they are calling an “ingenious idea”, there are many residents who feel that this plan is both infeasible and stupid.

“Come on, let’s be serious. This is idiotic and everyone knows it.” said one opponent of the new idea. “What government would allow a law that would call for that restriction?”

Other residents are nervous about this latest development as they have seen stranger ideas evolve into policy before including the now infamous “vasoline on the street lights” idea and the “robotic parking cop” idea.

“I’m telling you right now. Do not put anything past the city. They will do anything to keep residents from harassing them.”, said one of these apprehensive residents. “Next thing you know, we have a 1000 foot apartment building symbolizing the world’s biggest back-fire ever and as a giant middle finger aimed at our once good cause.”

While it still remains unclear whether this new proposal will have any chance of being taken seriously, it has caused quite a stir in an already unsettled neighborhood surrounded in debate and controversy. However, one thing remains certain, this debate is far from being won or lost as both sides are far from giving up.