Towson Parking Sign Has Everyone Confused

By: Traveling Man
Crab Travel Editor

TOWSON – A parking sign located on the campus of Saint Joseph’s Hospital has everyone baffled. The sign, located in the parking lot of the Professional Centre, lets drivers know that only patients can park in that particular lot. The sign, however, contains quotations around the word ‘only’. Nobody who has seen the sign can figure out why that word would be in quotes.

“I’m not quite sure what to make of this.” said a security officer who patrols the campus looking for parking violations. “I don’t think that I have ever used the finger quotation motions for that word.”

The fact that the word contains quotes is also causing a stir amongst drivers on the campus because some are interpreting the sign as ambiguous and unclear.

“No, I am not a patient at this Professional Centre and no I am not moving my car because I think the sign is ambiguous.” said one motorist who parked in the lot. “When you quote a word like that, you are saying it has a meaning other than its obvious meaning. I choose to have it mean ‘Just Kidding’. Who can prove that it doesn’t?”

Many employees and patients of the Professional Centre are outraged that people would read into this so much and use it as an excuse to park illegally.

“Come on! Do we really need to have this conversation? I mean what the hell else could the word mean other than ONLY?” said one employee. “The sign means don’t park there unless you are a patient. What jerk looks at this and says, ‘Well it says only so only is in quotes so it must mean something different’?”

Others, including the security officer disagree.

“I mean my hands are tied here. If you walked into a bar that had a sign that said ‘NO’ Smoking, I’ll bet you would light up right away and argue your case about the sign.”

While the debate continues, the only thing that both sides here can agree on is that they are all lucky that the campus has no “STOP” signs.