Controversy on The Hill (Part 3) - Local Resident’s Claim for Stupidity Denied

Peers Say He Is Already Too Stupid

By: John and Josh McClown
Crab Staff Writers

BUTCHERS HILL – In a move seen as very out of the ordinary, a group of Butchers Hill residents have denied a fellow resident’s claim for stupidity amid grounds that he is already too stupid.

The decision comes after the claim was made regarding an argument over zoning practices and general neighborhood philosophy.

During a community debate a few weeks ago, the resident jumped to the defense of a homeowner who had objected to an addition being built by a local developer next to the homeowner’s property. In the debate, the man called developers a “nuisance” and a threat to the neighborhood. What he didn’t realize was that the very person he was defending was a developer whose property in question was a three unit rental property. Upon realization of that fact, he claimed stupidity.

“I really didn’t know, honestly,” said the resident who wishes to remain anonymous. “I really thought that this person was a homeowner who lived in the neighborhood.”

Immediately, however, his peers rejected his claim for stupidity claiming that he should have verified his facts before taking his position.

“Not this time. He has said some dumb things for which we have approved his claim for stupidity in the past, but if we don’t reject him at some point, how will he learn?” said one neighbor. “He has a track record of running his mouth without thinking, then just claiming stupidity to let himself off the hook. In my mind, he already too stupid.”

Other incidents described by the other residents include the stupid neighbor cheering for the Yankees but claiming he thought the Orioles were batting and yelling at a neighbor for being loud while he himself was operating a leaf blower.

“Ok, those times I really did have a lapse in judgment, just like this time, so why does this time have to be different?” asked the resident.

The only answer that the group came up with was, “Because this time we can confirm that you are a moron,” as explained by one member.

When leaving, the stupid resident was asked if he thought he was stupid. He responded by “pleading the fifth”.

That claim was also denied.

James Olsen contributed to this article.

This concludes the three part series. Happy New Year! From the Crab.